Sunday, November 06, 2005


Can we PLZ stop hearing about VICK VICK VICK

For a long time now I have been getting pretty sick and tired about:
(A) PPL, stupid stupid PPL, bahhh-ing and neighing their gobbler-good song about Vick Vick Vick Vick Vick Vick Vick. Vick is a more accurate passer than Vince Young. Vick is so great so young, through his eighth start undefeated.
(B) Those same PPL being the blind leading the retarded who believe and listen to them, their herd of inbred backwater Virginia bahhh-ing sheep, nay, falling lemmings, having plumetted off the cliff of East-Coast-media-bias-paper-tigers.
(C) Them implying that Vince Young isn't accurate while at the same time Vince Young passes for at least 250 yards and 2 touchdowns almost every game, while usually either running for 200+ yards himself, or causing the opposing defense to focus so hard on him that it enables R.T./Prince Charles/MeltonTheClock/Young (HB #22 in your gay ass EA Sports NCAA 06 [which lacks a playoff system] stupid non-accurate rosters that lack names because of gay ass Official NCAA Rules [that don't include a playoff system]) -- whoever's healthy among them -- to round it out to at least 350+ rushing yards nicely each game as well.

And I am so happy now because those three things are going to stop happening very soon :-)

Oklahoma Sooners and Texas A&M Aggies can at least take refuge in the fact that they will never be as pathetic as Virginia Tech and all the East Coast biased crapola surrounding Scarface McCraw and his wiley band of Aggie-maroon-clad lunchbox bangers.

No wait, I got that backwards. What I really meant was, at least Virginia Tech can take refuge in the fact that they will never be as pathetic as Texas A&M, which is the most preposterous cult of hicks that ever has existed, replete with a fake army of shorn-noggined ugly guys playing bad choppy march music, and a legion of mainly Republican fans who holler like stuck pigs throughout the game (you have to hear it in real life to truly understand, it's not a natural sounding human noise... it is a specially passed down traditional yet inhuman cheer of Aggie fans that defies reason and would more well-suit a team whose mascot was Cthulhu rather than a dog who looks exactly like Lassie). And Virginia Tech can take refuge in the fact that, hey, at least they're not fans of the same Oklahoma that has to play the only team who beat Penn State, Michigan.

Ah, Shakespeare could not have scripted a better end to the season than the #1 and #2 teams going undefeated while everyone else conveniently loses. Ah, the niceties of not having a messy playoff system for losers like Miami and Penn State, not to mention potential "Stinkerella's" like Notre Dame and Alabama. Oh wait, I forgot, Shakespeare's plays usually had at least four major characters, if not eight or more; often times, a battle for supremacy was involved and an unexpected victor vanquished a bevy of top-end foes to achieve their position. Of course, they would often wield sabres; they often killed each other; and racial slurs and sexual insults were accepted as funny, politically correct jokes. Were they Aggies? No, but they seemed scripted, rather than seeming like actors within a fair competitive structure, such as a playoff system, where whatever the playwright intended does not always happen. The producers of the play would not want the actors being unregulated in such a way since their company's plays would lack good stories that nobody would want go to see, so they're sacred and pool all their money in an effort to save their Shakespeare, the BCS system.

Which, of course, relies on a bunch of gambling computers "garbage-out" lists. Mark Twain said, "There are lies, there are damn lies, and then there statistics." Of course, EBCSneizer Scrooge says "Humbug! There will NEVER be a playoff within 364 days of Christmas, not on my watch! Yarrr!!!" And all the University Presidents and network executives cackle and caw while stirring their cauldrons of molten gold, chomping on ACL cigars, shooting up concentrated cognac, and betting on all the games (which happens to be a sport itself, you see, which is why it's OK... I mean, hey, POKER is a sport right, which I think Pete Rose invented? Or were they just on right after each other on ESPN one time? I don't remember).

I think I'm gonna go play some more NCAA 06 now, and in protest of the fact that Jamaal Charles is not in EA's roster I'm going to play Texas A&M against Texas A&M. That's my favorite thing to do, because it reminds me so much of my other favorite XBOX game, Call of Cthulhu: Dark Corners of the Earth.

BTW, speaking of that Cthulhu game, J. Edgar Hoover is a wuss who only gives you a .45 Auto to go up against giant hecatontapus-blobs with. That means they have more tentacles than just eight, like as in the eight tentacles of an octopus, or the eight wins of Virgina Tech. In fact they have 100 tentacles. Isn't that badass?


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